Hello readers, this week I’ll be introducing a new segment where I randomly blather about college football. It will take place of the diary on the unfortunate weeks when I can’t drink all Saturday at a local pub. This column should be good for you the reader, and my liver.
Given the success of Boise St. at home over the last few years, isn’t it time a struggling program painted their playing surface? I’m looking at you Mike Locksley. Red turf and a Tuesday night home game might be just what New Mexico needs to get a W this year.
Speaking of recent success, why don’t more white trash whores with awesome bodies start dressing provocatively to college football games? Jenn Sterger is receiving Brett Favre’s texts and hosting a show on Versus simply because she ripped a t-shirt and threw on a cowboy hat. Fame-seeking women, take notice.
Is it ok to make Mark Dantonio heart attack jokes? I say yes, he’s back on the sidelines.
Being a football player at BYU is a good precursor for life with the opposite sex. Managing the groupies is great practice for managing your 7 future wives.
I doubt many offensive lineman wear skinny jeans, even on the trendier campuses.
If I was Bret Bielema, I’d offer Tim Brewster a job as a special teams assistant with emphasis on two-point conversions. Minimum wage pay, but great medical and dental plans.
I have no idea how Dennis Erickson or any of his players focus on games with all the ASU girls dressed scantily in the crowd. No wonder they are 3-4 and perennial under achievers.
Is it ok to make Rutgers offensive line jokes? I say no, not in public at least.
Notre Dame – Tulsa this weekend, just the matchup NBC was looking for when it re-upped its contract with the Irish. A 3-4 struggling Independent school takes on an explosive Conference USA squad, take it away Jimmy Roberts!
We’re getting close to the end of this column, I better hold up 4 fingers to indicate what quarter I’m entering.
With UNLV at 1-6 on the season, its about time we look into a point shaving scandal. I’m just saying, the Mandalay Bay sportsbook is right down the street.
In recent news, NCAA football graduation rate is up to 69 percent…did they forget to count North Carolina’s suspended players?
Finally, I’d like to dedicate the first edition of Obscure Thoughts to the World Series, where Tim McCarver will bless us with baseball commentary in an obsolete vernacular that no one can decipher. I’ll be rooting for the San Francisco Giants, mainly because no one from Texas cares about anything other than Mack Brown’s recent recruiting class and the 2nd Amendment. So in the words of Tim Lincecum, f&$k yeah!